I was asked by
a close friend of mine to write about something that I do at home that is
seemingly impossible when I am deployed. I have been thinking about this for
days there is one thing that stands out above the rest; communication. Being
able to communicate with family and friends is made far more difficult while
you are deployed. From reading body language to being able to physically touch
someone builds an unmeasurable pressure. That’s not to say I don’t read body
language here or communicate with the people I work with, but I would much
rather be able to reach out and tickle my son or kiss my wife.
Back to the
question at hand. Not only am I talking about verbal communication but it’s
mostly the non-verbal communication that I miss. If you have ever loved someone
you will know what I’m talking about here. There is something about looking
into my wife’s eyes or looking into my son’s eyes that is unexplainable. The
feeling you get from being in the same room as your family is something that
you miss uncontrollably while you are gone. The non-verbal communication is the
hardest to cope without. The good game tap I give my wife after she makes a
meal, kissing her neck or holding her hand is all absent while you are
deployed.
It is easy to
think about why communication with loved ones is so difficult for us. Not only
is the time difference vastly different, but our priorities change while we are
deployed. There are a lot of things that happen in the States that people rave
about that soldiers couldn’t possibly care less about. When you are away from
family for so long and after you have been shot at a few times you come to
realize the things that really matter and the things that are not worth
worrying about. The one thing that is also hard for us while we are here is
trying to understand what are families are going through. Trying to communicate
what are families are feeling is hard. Often times we shut down and close the
door before they can even knock. We often will dismiss how our thoughts or
actions make our family and friends feel using the idea that what we are going
through is worse and therefore we need the attention not them. Sometimes we
have to take a step back and even though it is hard we need to be more
selfless. Taking an extra 5 minutes to let our families get the weight of their
chest will help everyone get through the deployment.
There are
things that I see in the news media that I cannot believe are worth the time or
money to put on air. I have been watching the news today and on every program they
have brought up this GoDaddy.com commercial of a dog getting lost, finding his
way home and ultimately getting sold over the internet. Animal rights activists
are going BONKERS over this commercial. Why is it worth wasting money and time
arguing about how wrong or right a damn commercial is? In the end GoDaddy.com
does not even have to run a Super Bowl commercial because they have received so
much attention already. There are so many issues that are going on around the
world and even in the United States that people need to educated one. When can
we start talking about that stuff? When are we going to start talking about the
VA, the war in the Middle East or the murders in Africa?
It is important
to talk about communication issues when we get home too. Not only is the
discontent with lack of communication palpable while deployed but the surge of communication
when we get home is nearly as hard to understand or cope with. When we return
we are overwhelmed with trying to catch up on the things we missed. Although we
can Skype and FaceTime often it’s the finer details that we miss and the finer
details that you can only see and recognize in person. My son for the first 5
months I was in Qatar wanted nothing to do with me. It was nearly impossible to
get him to sit down and talk with me for 5 minutes. At first it killed me
because I didn’t understand. Only after a couple weeks of reading online I found
that it was just a coping mechanism for him. He may have been upset or just
didn’t understand why I left. He felt uncomfortable seeing his father through
the iPad and not being able to play like we once could.
When I get home
I fully expect there to be issues with communication between my wife and I but
mostly between my son and I. My son is going to be confused where I stand in
the “chain of command” at the house. He has been listening to my wife for so
long that I have lost authority. It’s going to be a long process to get our
ducks in a row and be able to try to pick up where we left off when I get home.
I am most worried about where my wife and I stand. While my son is young and
resilient my wife is more aware of the person I have become. As you have read
before our marriage is very much on the rocks and the outcome is unknown. I
will have to try to learn how to communicate my love and my appreciation for my
wife. I need to grow and better comprehend what she needs from our relationship
so I can become the husband she needs and the husband she deserves.